


the hole-y bible

by jacksabs



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Bible Kink, M/M, Not a crack fic, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Self-cest, this is a secret book of the bible
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-18
Updated: 2018-05-18
Packaged: 2019-05-08 16:15:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 462
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14697771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jacksabs/pseuds/jacksabs
Summary: Connor needs Jesus like he needs dick.





	the hole-y bible

**Author's Note:**

> “i wanna lick jesus”  
> -brad marchand 2019

The first overall pick of the 2015 draft is superior to the third, they say.

THAT IS IGNORANT.

The third’s name is Dylan Strome and he ISN’T a bust, he’s just a very good friend and he respects CONNOR. So, he keeps his hockey super powers HIDDEN LIKE A GOOD BOY and keeps the spotlight on Connor. Because he’s Connor’s BITCH.

Jack Eichel is also a bitch, but he doesn’t belong to no one.

I must digress.

“Happy birthday!” Connor’s bitch says, in the least bitchy tone he can muster.

“UWAH!!!!” McDavid jumps, shocked! “DYLDO! IS THAT SOMETHING IN YOUR POCKET OR ARE YOU JUST EXCITED TO SEE ME.”

Because he is Connor’s bitch, he brings his daddy presents. Dylan whips out A THICC GIFT BOX out of his pocket and sets it down next to Connor. “I have brought you a present, father!”

“THATS A THICC BOY.”

“I know.”

Connor rips open the box and standing there WITH HIS MASSIVE 10 INCH DONG IS THE LORD AND SAVIOUR JESUS CHRIST.

CONNOR BLUSHES HARDCORE!

“DYLDO-SAMA! YOU SHOULDNT HAVE!” He gasps. “A MIRROR!”

Dylan sighs, shaking his head. “No! That is Jesus, you incompetent fool!”

CONNOR BLUSHes EVEN MORE AND HE FANS HIS EYES TO KEEP THE TEARS FROM SPILLING. “LEAVE US THIS INSTANT MR. STROME, I HAVE BUSINESS TO ATTEND TO.”

Dylan leaves immediately and Jesus raises a brow.

CONNOR INSTANTLY MOANS OUTLOUD AND JESUS RAISES AN EYEBROW. 

THEN HE RIPS CONNORS CLOTHES OFF AND FUCKS HIM WITHOUT MERCY. 

(me: MWAHAHAHAHA Jesus: *raises eyebrow* Author-san! But what about the foreplay!!!! me: :3 WHAT.)

CONNOR MOANS AND THE ENTIRE BUILDING TREMBLES. 

JESUS’ ERECT COCK THRUSTS IN AND OUT OF HIM IN THE HOLIEST OF MOTIONS.

HE CAN HEAR THE SONGS OF A THOUSAND ANGELS AS JESUS FUCKS HIM RAW. 

“YUMMY,” CONNOR SCREAMS.

“YOU’RE YUMMY,” JESUS SAYS, AGGRESSIVELY STROKING CONNORS ENTIRE BODY LIKE A SIX FOOT DICK.

JESUS BEGINS DROOLING AND CONNOR LICKS IT ALL UP HAPPILY.

“BUT HOW ARE YOU HERE! YOU’RE FICTIONAL!” 

“YOU DELICIOUS DUMBASS,” JESUS ROARS, “PETER 5:6 — ‘JESUS WILL COME TO LIFE ON MCJESUS’ BIRTHDAY AND FUCK HIM DEVIOUSLY,” HE SAYS IN HIS MOST SEDUCTIVE VOICE.

MCJESUS RIPS JESUS’ DICK OUT OF HIS PLUMP ASS AND SHOVES IT IN HIS MOUTH.

“SWALLOW MY CUMMIES,” JESUS ORDERS.

“Y-YES JESUS-KUN!”

JESUS CUMS FOR 6 MINUTES. 

AND HE RESTS ON THE 7TH.

HIS CUMMIES SPILL INTO CONNORS EYEBALLS AND CONNOR SLURPS THEM UP LIKE HOLY WATER.

CONNOR BEGINS STROKING HIS BALLS.

HE STILL HAS NOT CUM.

JESUS LOOKS DOWN TO SEE HIM STROKING HIS BALLS. “Oh no,” he gasps.

FINALLY CONNOR BUSTS A FAT LOAD ALL OVER JESUS’ LUCIOUS BEARD.

“OH FUCK HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO EXPLAIN THIS TO MY DAD,” JESUS SHOUTS, JUMPING IN CIRCLES.

“Tell him............. you got MCDAVID’ED.”


End file.
